Funny Money

Following are some amusing anecdotes relating to on-line, off-line, and sometimes out-of-line gambling. Enjoy yourself and you too will be a winner!

On Your Marx
Chico Marx is said to have once written a check to writer Heywood Broun for gambling debts, but warned him not to cash it before noon the following day. The following day Broun complained that the check had bounced.

"At what time did you try to cash it?" Chico inquired.

"12:10" replied Broun.

"Too late!" Chico countered.



Dunkin' Dough Nuts
Oil magnate John Gates once wagered $11,000 against the also rich John Drake (of Drake University's founding family) that by dunking his bread in his coffee, he could attract more flies than Drake.

After his triumph, it was revealed that Gates had added 6 spoonfuls of sugar to his coffee.



5 - 16 - 24 - 27 - 37 - 44
In 1987, baseball devotee Robert Heuer collected $2,250,000 after winning the New York State lottery. Heuer's winning numbers were 5, 16, 24, 27, 37, and 44, which, as it turned out, were also the numbers of his favorite players, namely Joe DiMaggio, Whitey Ford, Willie Mays, Juan Marichal, Casey Stengel & Willie McCovey.



Lost Your Shirt? Buy a Hat
Proudly wearing his new yachtsman's cap, Tristan Bernard came across a friend one day on Deauville's boardwalk. When the friend inquired about where he got the cap, Bernard replied that he had purchased it with the cash he won at the casino the evening before.


After being congratulated by the friend, Bernard added, "Thanks, but what money I lost could have bought me the yacht!"



Don (Juan) Johnson's Millions
When asked once how he managed to squander much of his fortune earned from his career, Don (Miami Vice) Johnson was quick to reply, "Some he'd spent drinking, some he'd lost gambling, and some he'd spent on women.

"The rest," Johnson added, "I simply pissed away."



A Horoscope 2 Die 4
Not only was Girolamo Cardano a great 16th century astrologer (he once traveled to England to tell a young King Edward VI his horoscope); he was also a gambling addict. So much so, it's believed that his addiction led to his having pioneered studies regarding probability and chance.

With his faith secure in his scientific convictions, Cardano announced his horoscope to the public which predicted the exact hour he would die. When, on the 21st of September 1576, the moment arrived, Cardano, not yet dead, killed himself.



No Texas, No Pitcher
When former Los Angeles Dodgers pitching marvel Fernando Valenzuela was negotiating his new contract, Tommy Lasorda, the Dodgers manager at the time, was asked how much would be required to sign the Mexican? To which Lasorda replied, "He wants Texas back."